Princess Butter Gamer
by sombreromoustache
Summary: One day, Peanut Butter Gamer discovers that he is the father of the Queen and Princess of Arendelle, (Please note that this fanfiction is not to be taken seriously, and that all plot holes are noted by the author)


"Hello everyone! I'm Peanut Butter Gamer and today we'll be talking about The Top Ten Mario Bosses and I... Uh. Dang it, I messed up," PBG turned off the camera and grabbed a bottle of water, "Ah. That's better. I need to take a break. Maybe some Katamari Damacy will do something."

PBG turned on his PS2 and started controlling the prince pushing a ball over objects, "Man, nothing can ruin this day for me. All I need, is to run over things things with a ball, and I'll be happy. That and food, water, and a place to sleep."

After five hours of making giant balls, the Peanut Butter Gamer returned to his computer chair to finish his video.

"But before I do that, I gotta check my E-Mail," PBG made an excuse to not continue his video.

Scrolling through his emails, he mostly found hate mail sent by his friends. But one email caught his attention.

"What is this. Kai? I don't know a Kai," PBG clicked on the email, and started reading.

_Dear Peanut Butter Gamer,_

_I am a servant to the royal family of Arendelle. We are a small kingdom in Norway. Recently our King was lost at sea, and our queen died to illness shortly after. Before she died, she told us that our king was not the father of her children. She said she once knew a man before she married the king and had given her children. To put it bluntly, you are the father of Arendelle's princesses. Our queen wanted you to come to Arendelle so you can meet your daughters at last. _

_We'll be sending some of our people to receive your answer in a few days. We hope to hear your answer to._

_Loyal servant to the King and Queen,_

_Kai_

"Wait. This was sent three days ago," PBG heard a knock on the door.

He opened the door and saw several men dressed in royal garbs, "We are of Arendelle, and we are here to know your answer."

PBG closed the door on them and ran to the phone and dialed his best friend Jontron.

_-You claim to be the player but I fucked your wife!-_

Jon answered his phone's ringtone, "Hello?"

"JON! I just found out I have kids in Norway!" PBG yelled.

"I don't care," and Jon threw the phone.

"Oh. Okay,"

"Don't worry. I will always care for you, PBG," Jacque answered.

"Thanks Jacque-

"But not enough to talk on the phone," and the Cyborg Bird destroyed Jon's cellphone with a laser.

PBG hung up the phone and walked back to the door, "So you guys said something about a trip to Norway right?"

* * *

Elsa paced around the library while Anna sat in the chair, "It's okay, Elsa. I'm worried too."

Elsa looked out the window, "I know Anna. It's just."

"I know Elsa. I always thought he was our father-

"He was our father. He was always there for us," Elsa interuptted her.

"Elsa-

"Why didn't our mother ever tell us about him? Why didn't she tell us we weren't our father's daughter?"

Anna embraced Elsa, "Elsa, no matter who he is, or what he's like, I'll always be here for you."

Elsa smiled, "Thank you, Anna."

The two sisters held hands as they saw the ship coming into port.

"Well. Are you ready to meet our father?" Anna asked.

"Yes. Yes I am,"

Anna started walking out of the library when Elsa grabbed her wrist, "I just need you one more time."

Anna smiled, "Oh, Elsa," she kissed Elsa on the lips, "All you had to do was ask."

Elsa smiled and she let herself be led by hand to the docks by her sister.

* * *

PBG stepped onto the docks and saw Arendelle in front of him, "Wow. This is awesome. It's like I'm in Skyrim. Only I actually feel cold."

"Ah, you must be...

"Peanut Butter Gamer. Or PBG, if you like,"

"Yes. Well, Mr. PBG, if you please follow me, I will lead you to the castle to meet the Princesses," Kai led him.

"So, what are the princesses like?"

"It's okay to call them your daughters," Kai laughed.

"Wow! I have daughters, that are princesses!"

"And I'm sure, they'll be happy to meet you... PBG,"

"Yeah. I'll take my daughters out on an adventure! YEAH!"

And Kai walked on towards the castle wondering he didn't let someone else bring him to the castle.

Before he could jump into Fjord's water, Kai led Peanut Butter Gamer through the gates and into the castle.

"WOW! I've never been in castle before! Well I have, just not in real life. But this is awesome!" PBG looked around the castle and pointed at the armor, "I don't know about you, but I'm calling this my Peanut Butter Knight."

"That's actually the suit of a knight who defended Arendelle from invaders many centuries ago," Kai warned him.

The suit of armor then fell apart.

"Aw man," the PBG sighed in anguish.

Before thoughts of slitting both their throats entered Kai's head, "Let's just get you settled at the castle, sir."

* * *

Anna had been leading her sister outside when Elsa dragged her into a closet. Elsa held Anna close to her.

"Elsa?" her sister cut off her question with a kiss.

"Sorry. It's just," the blonde held her sister tight, "You'll be beside me there, right?"

Anna let her fingers feel Elsa's braid and kissed Elsa's forehead, "Elsa, why are you so afraid of meeting him?"

"He... He was always there for me. He always helped me. He was never afraid of me, and he never stopped caring about me," Anna saw the ice in the closet growing, "And when I heard about his death, I thought I had lost a part of me. But now that we have a new father, I'm afraid he won't accept me for who I am."

Elsa cried into her sister's shoulder as she covered the closet in ice, "Elsa. Even if he doesn't accept you and he's afraid of you, it won't matter. I'll always be here for you, Elsa."

Elsa looked at her sister, and they shared a kiss.

"Besides, if he's an asshole to you, I'll throw a bust at his head,"

The sisters shared a laugh, "Oh Anna."

"I'm serious, Elsa I will," the sister's walked out of the closet to see Kai trying to keep it together.

"Oh, my queen. Your father awaits in the dining hall, if you so wish to meet him," Kai said bitterly before he walked away.

Anna looked into Elsa's eyes and smiled, "Do you want to meet our father?"

Elsa could only nod yes.

* * *

Peanut Butter Gamer sat in the dinner room and dialed his cell phone.

In America, ProJared was watching his Haven and Hearth avatar chopping down three, "Living the dream."

The Final Fantasy victory theme beeped on his phone, "Y'ello!"

"Jared! I'm meeting my daughters for the first time!" PBG told his Youtube friend.

"PBG, how long have you been playing Tomodachi Life?"

"No Jared I actually have real life daughters!"

"When did this happen?"

"I don't know,"

ProJared was so utterly speechless that he hung up and dialed his phone.

Yungtown was recording for his rap on the new video when he was interrupted with his phone's Trololol song, "Yungtown here."

"Yungtown! PBG has gone insane!" ProJared exclaimed.

"And you're finding about this now?" Yungtown was unimpressed.

"Oh. You're right. Thanks,"

"Always here for you, buddy," Yungtown hung up.

As the focus of the story went back to Peanut Butter Gamer, Elsa and Anna walked into the dining room. Elsa looked at her father. She stared for a long time at her father's features.

"Stubble," Elsa muttered, "You have stubble."

"Oh yeah. I grow that out," PBG answered.

"Wait, you're not much older than us, how are you our father?" Anna asked.

"Yeah Peanut Butter Gamer, you're twenty-four and they're like a few years younger than you. How can you explain that?" the PBG clone asked.

Peanut Butter Gamer loaded a revolver and shot him in the chest, "AH! OW! Did you really have to do that?"

"Yes,"

"Can you tell me where a doctor is?"

"There's probably a doctor in this castle,"

"Ok,"

"And thus! Peanut Butter Gamer's daughters suddenly realized that meeting their father was not going to be very serious, but really. Did anyone expect it to?" the announcer's voice boomed.

And in the far distance, Kai jumped into the Fjord, swimming out to sea so he could stop being a part of this fanfiction.

* * *

Anna and Elsa sat awkwardly next to each other holding hands while they ate lunch with PBG. PBG on the other hand was blissfully unaware of their holding hands, and ate while staring at his daughters.

"So, you two are princesses?"

"Well, I'm the princess, Elsa on the other hand is more of the Queen of Arendelle," Anna explained.

"Wait, so I'm not gonna be Peanut Butter King?" PBG asked.

"No, I'm afraid not," Elsa answered.

"Oh man. I was gonna wear a crown and stuff,"

Elsa and Anna stared at PBG, "How did you meet our mother again?"

"I actually don't know. I think it was when I went crazy after playing Link the Faces of Evil and I went sane for a while. But I don't remember a lot of what happened,"

"Wait, wait, wait. Why did you play the Faces of Evil?" Elsa asked.

"Sometimes when you look at the good of something, you also got to look at the bad. Or at least that was the excuse I used for that video,"

"Wait what?" Anna was quite visibly confused.

"You make videos?" Elsa asked.

"Yeah, I have a Youtube channel where I make videos where I talk about video games," PBG explained.

And then PBG and his daughters talked about their lives, how PBG conquered the horrors of MySims, how Anna talked to paintings for a while, and eventually of Elsa's ice powers.

"So, we've kinda been beating around the bush about this but," Anna nudged Elsa.

"I have ice powers," Elsa said quickly.

Peanut Butter Gamer had been drinking, "I'm sorry it must be the alcohol, but did you say you had ice powers?"

"Yes," Elsa was getting nervous.

Anna nudged her sister again before she threw her water into the air. Elsa froze the water as it fell onto the ground.

PBG put down his mug and looked at what he was drinking, "Wait. This isn't alcohol. I haven't even been drinking anything!"

In the far off distance, "Please sharks, kill me please!" Kai begged the approaching predators.

"So wait. You can, freeze stuff?" PBG asked.

"Yes, I have power over the ice and snow. It's a power that I'm still learning how to use and control," Elsa explained.

"So, you're one with the wind and sky?" PBG asked.

As Kai's limbs were being devoured by sharks, he only sighed, "Lame!"

"Well that's what she says, but you should really see what Elsa can do," Anna smiled at her sister.

Elsa stood from her chair and started making a small snowball in her hands. She let it fly into the ceiling where it started snowing.

"Wow, this is amazing!" Peanut Butter Gamer was in awe of the snow falling down and started catching snowflakes with his tongue.

Elsa, Anna, and PBG played in the snow for the rest of the night, bonding together as father and daughters.

As the days went on, he learned more about them, their plights and their joys. He comforted them and made them laugh, just as he had done with his ow videos. Elsa and Anna grew to accept him as their father, but they still called him Peanut Butter Gamer.

* * *

"Hello everyone I'm Peanut Butter Gamer and before we get started with our list, I have two special guests, Princess Butter Gamer and... Peanut Butter Elsa? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Elsa answered off camera.

"And I thought I was bad at names. But, here is Princess Butter Gamer and Peanut Butter Elsa,"

"And we're here to talk about the top ten Mario bosses!" Anna shouted.

"Yeah! Mario!" PBG shouted again.

All three of them sat in silence since they had forgotten what to say, "I have nothing," Elsa admitted.

"Aw man. And that was a good take," PBG sighed.

"Oh well," Anna sat down.

"You guys want to play some Katamari Damacy?" the Peanut Butter Gamer asked.


End file.
